The Wizard in the Window (Chapter 2)

Chapter 1 was posted a few days back. Again, this is a story I wrote several years ago. I currently have five chapters and just over ten thousand words. It is incomplete. I'm thinking seriously about making the completion of this  my next big project.

The Wizard in the Window

Chapter the second

Bright sunlight shining through my eyelids brought me back to my senses. I didn't open my eyes immediately, preferring instead to take stock of what my other senses were telling me. First, smell. Strange, there was something missing. Ah, that was it! The air smelled too clean. Next, hearing. I could hear the twittering of birds. I was coming close to a conclusion. Touch, I felt carefully around with my hands. Hmm, felt like grass. About four inches high. Taste... I was hungry.

My first thought was that I'd fallen asleep at a park. But then I started to recall the events that had led up to my little nap. Time to open the eyes I decided.

Now, I had expected to find myself in a forest glade or something. Just goes to show you how easily the senses can be fooled. The first thing I saw upon opening my eyes was a skylight. The second was the ceiling that surrounded it. Further examination showed me that I was in the middle of what appeared to be a shopping mall. People were milling about, going into various shops. I was lying in the middle of an island of wildlife in a sea of consumerism.

Now, you will note that I said it appeared to be a shopping mall at first glance. At second glance, a few discrepancies caught my eye. First of all the people were dressed strangely. Clothing styles varied from the medieval, to the futuristic, to the… I had no idea. Next, were the stores. They featured names like "Artllo's splitzer emporium." and "Onieas Fibtok grill". But the thing that really clued me in was the Dalmatian that came walking up to me as I stared wide eyed at this strange place. "Lost, are you." He asked and paused as if expecting a response.

Now, most people would have gone catatonic at this point. But after months of dealing with MM, I'd developed a tolerance for the strange. Or possibly I’d gone totally out of my mind. I decided it was too early to tell which.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am. You haven't seen a coffee table around here by any chance have you?" I don't know why I focused on the coffee table. I said I'd developed a tolerance, that doesn't mean I wasn't a little whacked out by the whole experience.

The Dog sat down and scratched behind his right ear. "Was that yours? Sorry, looks like I've been remiss in my duty. A gnome picked it up and carried it off just before you woke up."

I finally sat up. "Oh well, it wasn't important."

The dog gave me an incredulous look. "You're not from around here, are you?"

"I don't believe so. This wouldn't be earth would it?”

"Nope."

"No, welcome to the land of collective unreality."

Must be another name for Washington DC, I thought to myself.

The Dalmatian let out a moan. "Oh no, why couldn't I have seen it sooner. All the classic signs. And they say curiosity killed the cat."

I, ever the astute conversationalist replied, "Huh?"

"Plain as the nose on my face, and you can't get much more obvious than that."

"Am I missing something?" I asked, beginning to get more confused than I already had been.

The Dalmatian winced. "Yes you are, and that's the problem."

I scratched my head "My entire planet seems to be missing, if that's what you mean."

"No, it's even worse than that. That gnome stole your coffee table."

"So?" I asked, confusion level rising even further.

"You really don't know how things work around here, do you?"

I shook my head in the negative. "No, why don't you explain?"

He flopped down dejectedly. "Might as well. I'm stuck now. Suppose I should introduce myself. Dalmas is the name. You?"

I went to hold out my hand and then thought better of it. I wasn’t sure whether to shake his paw or rub him behind the ears. . "Mark."

"Wish I could say I'm pleased to meet you Mark, but being a quest companion has never been an aspiration of mine. Hmm, that gnome can't be more than five minutes ahead of us. I have a great sense of smell, and if we went after him now... Na, it’s never that easy. We might as well relax, while I explain some of the facts of life to you."

"Look, I can live without the coffee table. It isn't really all that important to me. Heck, one of the legs was loose, and I can't begin to count the number of times I've stubbed my toe on the stupid thing."

"It’s not that simple. You illegally imported an other worldly object into the land of collective unreality. And, even worse, you let it be stolen. Now, you have two choices. You forget about the table, and spend the rest of your life here, or you retrieve it."

"I hate binary systems. Isn't there a choice were I have a leisurely three week vacation and then return home?"

"No."

"How about a not so leisurely two week vacation?"

"No."

I searched my mind for something else to say. "What has this got to do with you?"

"First native on the scene becomes a quest companion. It’s part of the unwritten rule book."

"If it’s unwritten, then how do you know what it says?"

"It’s all part of being a native. If it were written down, then it would be open to interpretation. Since it isn't, nobody can argue, makes perfect sense."

Right then, I knew they had no lawyers. Maybe this wasn't such a bad place after all. "OK, so what does this unwritten rule book have to say about quests?"

"Rather simple really; for a quest, you need two things. A goal, and at least one being crazy enough to want to attain it."

"So we've met the minimum requirement. What's say we get started?"

Dalmas got to his feet and shook himself off. I followed suit. Which is to say, I got to my feet. Nature had seen fit to give me a perfectly good set of hands to wipe myself off with after all. "Which way?"

"Follow me."

We set off through the crowd at a brisk walk. Every once in a while Dalmas would stop to sniff around. I now noticed that there were all sorts of strange odors permeating the mall, so I wasn't sure how he was following the Gnome.

"How can you be sure you're following the right scent?"

"Gnomes are rare and have a distinctive odor. Besides, he threw up on your shoe."

I looked down at my feet. The right one did look to be a little dirty... "Bluk, why'd he do that?"

"Probably some sort of weird Gnomish challenge. Gnomes are just kinda wacky in general. I knew one once that would give himself hot foots, laugh while the match burned down, and then scream in pain, curse, and swear to get even with the bastard that had done it to him."

"What happened to him?"

"Oh, one day he tried it with a stick of dynamite."

"Blew himself up did he?"

"Actually no, but he had the misfortune to be standing next to an elephant at the time. The explosion panicked the elephant, and the gnome, being a wee bit sunned from the blast wasn't able to get out of the way in time."

I shuddered. "Not the best way to die."

"No indeed, definitely one of the less pleasant ways to PACKY it in so to speak."

I groaned. "Was that necessary?"

"No, but it was definitely worthwhile." Dalmas replied.

We traveled on in silence for some time. The contents of the mall continued to be strange. Most of the pedestrians appeared to be human, but I also noticed the occasional animal. Some, like Dalmas were of familiar breeds. Others were much more fantastic. At one point I also saw what looked like a Unicorn and several Dodo’s involved in what looked like a tap dancing contest.

Eventually Dalmas came to a stop. We were at the edge of another one of the islands of vegetation. This one was similar to the one I had first awoke on. The only difference I could discern was the silver arch that sat in the middle. It was devoid of ornamentation, and about 9 feet high, by 3 feet wide by 1 foot thick. Upon closer examination, I noticed blocky script along the top that spelled out "a sure sign of intelligent life."

A faint bluish tint could be seen shimmering within the confines of the arch. Dalmas came to a stop a few feet in front of it. "Bloody well figures."

"So, he went through there?"

Dalmas nodded in the affirmative.

"Why don't we just walk around it?" I asked.

Dalmas snorted. "It’s a dimensional gate, what good would going around it do us?"

"That was a rhetorical question?"

"You catch on fast."

"What are we waiting for?"

"There's a saying that comes to mind. My mother used to be fond of it. 'A fool runs in where a wise dog hesitates to follow.' Of course, she also said 'He who hesitates is lost.' So go figure."

"Did your mother have anything to say about silver arches?"

"Not really. She wasn't the oracle after all."

I decided to let that one slide. "So, what are we waiting for?"

Dalmas sounded exasperated. "I don't know what you're waiting for, but I'm waiting for you to go through that arch. You're the hero after all. I'm just the faithful companion."

"I thought you were my quest companion."

"Purely a matter of semantics I assure you."

"I don't suppose you'd like to list out our respective obligations?"

"Can't be done. Heroes have to learn as they go along. I can of course give advice if asked."

"More words of wisdom from the unwritten rule book I suppose?"

Dalmas grinned in a Canine sort of way. "Of course."

Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. I was at an impasse. I didn't know what I'd find on the other side of the gate and I wasn't all that keen on finding out. But Dalmas was starting to look impatient (Not a pretty sight, let me assure you.), and I was getting eager to make some progress. You can only stare at objects that are rumored to violate the laws of physics for so long after all.

"Well, I think I'll be on my way." I said, heading for the arch.

"Was that supposed to be a heroic speech?"

"No, I'd say it was more a nervous affectation. Follow me, o faithful companion."

I walked through the arch. A rainbow of colors played around my head. When they cleared, I was most definitely somewhere else.

The first thing I noticed was the huge expanse of blue sky above me. Of course the wind whistling by my hair might have come to my attention before that, but I'll give the nod to the sky. The wind once blew my homework out of my hands and into a tree, and I've been known to hold a grudge for a very long time.

But the wind was impressive. In fact, I was having a hard time keeping my feet under me. I felt something bump into the back of my legs.

"Get a move on. What are you trying to do, get me cut in half?" Dalmas asked.

"Cut in half?"

"Step lively or my hind end won't be the only one in arrears."

I was starting to wonder if the unwritten rule book had something to say about when and how often quest companions could be testy.

The arch on this side was identical to the one we had passed through in the mall. As I stepped aside I noticed that Dalmas was indeed half way through. He wasted no time at all completing his trip.

The two of us were soon sitting down, as that was about the only position we could maintain for any length of time. "So, where are we?"

"Can't say for sure, I haven't seen any place like this before. Can't even tell which way the gnome went what with all this wind."

"Since I'm the hero, it no doubt falls to me to decide which way we go now."

"In the absence of a question mark, I'll assume that was a rhetorical question." He responded.

"?"

Dalmas snorted in exasperation. "Enough of this punctuation, let’s get going."

I chose a direction at random and began to crawl. Something had been bothering me... "Dalmas, why isn't there a sun in the sky?"

"A son in the sky? You hadn't even mentioned you were married." "No, not son, sun!"

"Sounds the same to me."

"Well there's a big difference, believe me."

He replied placatingly "Whatever you say hero."

"Look, why isn't there a yellow orb somewhere above our heads."

"Why should there be?"

"The light has to be coming from somewhere."

"Nope, it's coming from everywhere."

"Not true. It’s not coming from you or me."

"How can you be sure?"

I snorted in exasperation. "That's absolutely absu..."

"Problem?"

"Never mind." The disturbing thought had occurred to me that Dalmas had a better chance of being right than I did. After all, in a land where malls had inter-dimensional gates and dogs talked, anything was possible.

Copyright 2011 Michael J. Miller Jr.