The Wizard in the Window
Chapter the First
The wizard in the window stared at me as if with its eyes it could know all that transpired within my mind. Its clay hand held above its head an orb, in which I could see many tiny round replicas of my face reflected. I fixated on that for a moment, imagining myself as actually being that size. He was about eight inches tall, wide and adorned with robes, pouches and a staff.
I looked down at the price tag, $75. It was a lot of money for a lump of clay and a tiny bit of crystal... Why not? And so I walked in and bought it. It was wrapped and bagged and I was out of the store. Total transaction time, 5 minutes.
I looked around at the other shops, but saw nothing else of interest. It was a mall much like any other. There seemed to be one at every freeway exit. I decided it was time to find my car and head home. I knew just the spot for my purchase.
On the way in I noticed that the grass was dying, and noted that I'd have to look at the sprinkler controls again. It often seemed to me that they didn't even make the things they didn't used to make the way they used to make them. (Sometimes it’s best not to look for logic in pithy sayings.)
Up the stairs and to the door, insert key, yep the same old routine. Flipping the light switch by the door brought my living room to illumination, and also served to remind me that it was time to vacume again, but I put it off, as the statuette was heavy under my arm. The mantle of my fireplace always had looked a little bare, so I removed the little mage from his wrapping and placed him there.
After dinner I sat down to read the paper. Death, violence and advertisements all leapt out at me. Sometimes it just seems better to avoid finding out what the rest of the world is doing. After flipping through the 600 or so channels I have the dubious honor of receiving I decided it was time to do some reading, something light and entertaining. I looked at my “to be read shelf” and spotted a book by Piers Anthony. It was another of his Xanth series; always good fodder for an evening's entertainment.
Two hours later I'd made my way through most of the book. It was a familiar story, but as usual the execution was superb. It was then that I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. I looked over at the fireplace, looked away and then back again. The clay mage was dancing, twirling about and tossing his crystal ball in the air. I'm not sure how long this went on while I sat there slack jawed. Then with a final flourish he turned to me, smiled and vanished.
The next day I went back to the little shop in the mall. And there in the window was the clay mage. I wasn't sure if it was the same one until he winked at me.
I was soon out another $75.
I came to think of him as the mini mage. Eight inches tall, and full of more life and mischief then any being that size had a right to be.
Looking back, I realize that my finding him was more than luck. Call it humorous pre-destination. An amusing little lark for an amusing little being. And I had the good fortune of being the straight man.
It wasn't a bad job really. He had his fun, and I got to run. And you know what they say about the benefits of exercise.
There were of course times of relative calm. On one occasion we were sitting watching TV. MM was big on TV, said it reminded him of home, a subject he was reticent to talk about in any greater detail. For whatever reason, the subject of cats came up, and that reminded me of a story.
"A couple of years ago a friend of mind decided to get a cat. He went down to the local humane society and picked out a kitten. He and the cat hit it off fairly well, and were soon the best of friends. But it seems this cat (Whose name was Boris) had at-least one rather annoying habit, not uncommon to the species. It liked to rip things up with its claws." At this point I paused to make sure MM was actually listening. I'd left my jacket on the floor when I'd come in, and he was lounging on it. He nodded his head.
"Well, one day my friend bought a brand new pair of speakers. They were expensive, and sounded very nice. He set them up in the morning, and when he got home that night they were ruined."
"Really?" commented MM, taking the role of straight-man for a change.
"It was really quite sad. He turned on his stereo, and the speakers sounded terrible. Upon closer examination he found that they had been catsrated."
The look on MM's face was priceless. But it wasn't often I got the best of him.
I remember vividly the day he opened the portal. I'd just spent the better part of an hour trying to catch my gerbils. The Mini mage had set them loose, and every time I came close to catching one or the other he'd point his staff, mutter, and the gerbil would vanish, only to reappear across the room and out of reach. Once he even had one of them appear in midair.
"Fly, be free." He yelled in jubilation. he'd definitely been watching too much syndicated TV recently.
Now, I'm a man with a long temper, but I have to say that I was about at the end of mine at that point; so I bowed to the Mini Mage, and proceeded to flop down on the couch. After a moment I picked up the paper.
Now, if there's one thing that makes MM mad, it’s tiring of his jokes before he does. I'd known him long enough to be capable of a fairly effective snub. This one had really hit the mark, as I could hear him mumbling under his breath as I read the paper. Finally he settled down. The calm before the storm I was soon to realize.
"Mark."
"Yes?" I said, not bothering to put down my paper.
"There's a hole in your floor."
"Don't be redic..." I'd put the paper down. There was a hole in my floor. It was about three feet wide and getting larger as I watched. In fact, it was in danger of swallowing my coffee table.
"I think its hungry..." MM said, smiling mischievously.
I looked him straight in the eyes. "And what does it want to eat?"
"What's tall, horizontal and slow on the uptake?" He asked. The hole looked like a very thick fog, and it was an inch away from eating my coffee table.
I grabbed onto the table just as it started to teeter, paper in one hand, coffee table in the other. The leg touched the hole, and there was a blinding flash of light and then everything went dark.
Now, at this point you might be thinking old MM was a bit of a pain. I won't say he didn't have a cruel streak in him. I'm a realist, and I'd been the butt end of enough of his pranks to know that he didn't mind putting other beings at the downside of his wit. But in his defense, I must say that he could take it as well as he could put it out.
It wasn't often that I had an opportunity to get the upper hand with him. He was after all not even a foot tall, and capable of all sorts of things that we normal humans go goggle eyed at, especially when they aren't happening on TV or at the movies. ILM could have saved millions if they'd been able to gain his services. But as I've noted, there were times when I got the best of him. One in particular comes to mind.
Early on, I'd realized that there were certain limitations to his powers. For instance, he refused to be seen moving by anybody but me. This led to all sorts of fascinating possibilities. On this particular occasion, I'd decided on an especially elaborate joke. It was my birthday. I won't mention which one, though I will note that I stopped paying close attention after I hit 25. The drop in my car insurance had been impressive, and all I'd had to do was live into my middle 20's. Of course, a lot of ground would have been lost if I'd had the audacity to actually make a claim, but I digress.
I'd long had an interest in tropical fish. Didn't know anything about them really, just liked to watch them swim around. Something about the semi-contained ecology of the fish bowl just fascinates the heck out of me. So, the day before my big day, I went down to the local pet shop and purchased a 75 gallon fish tank, and all the stuff that went with it, including something that looked a lot like a catfish. Heck, maybe it was. I'd paid the people at the pet store to bring it all out to my place, and set everything up.
I smiled to myself when I heard the knock on the door. MM had been flying around the living room batting at a fly. As I got up to answer, He flew back to the mantle and took up his usual stance and position.
I greeted the people from the pet store, and pointed them to the place I'd decided to have the tank placed. They handed me a 200 page book with a title along the lines of 'The 100 most important things to know about tropical fish.' I sat down and began to read. The pages blurred and my mind wandered. I contemplated inquiring as to how much it would cost to have somebody come in and take care of the fish for me.
It took quite a while to get everything set up, but when it was all done, it looked very impressive. "Looks great, but you know, there seems to be something missing..." I said staring at the tank. Slowly I turned about and looked at the mantle. I think I saw the MM twitch. The people from the pet store mumbled to each other as I wandered over and picked him up.
"You know, I think I'd get just the affect I'm looking for if we placed this statuette in the middle of the tank." The pet store people looked doubtful, but couldn't think of any serious objections. They did urge me to rinse the MM off before placing him in the bowl. I declined. I didn't want to give my little friend an opportunity to escape.
I took a length of yarn out of my pocket and tied it around the statuette's up-stretched arm. The pet store people mumbled some more. Gently I lowered him into the tank. He came to rest by a piece of artificial coral. Carefully I worked the yarn free and removed it from the water. I barely suppressed a chuckle at the sight of the MM at the bottom of the tank. I thanked the pet shop people and showed them out.
As the door closed, I heard a loud splash from the tank. A high pitched giggle greeted me when I turned around.
"You got me good there." He said.
I smiled. "I've been planning it for days."
"And a fine gag it was. But did it ever occur to you that I might need to breathe?"
"You breathe?" I asked incredulously.
"Now you ask me." He winked and disappeared.
copyright 2011 Michael J. Miller Jr.
I looked down at the price tag, $75. It was a lot of money for a lump of clay and a tiny bit of crystal... Why not? And so I walked in and bought it. It was wrapped and bagged and I was out of the store. Total transaction time, 5 minutes.
I looked around at the other shops, but saw nothing else of interest. It was a mall much like any other. There seemed to be one at every freeway exit. I decided it was time to find my car and head home. I knew just the spot for my purchase.
On the way in I noticed that the grass was dying, and noted that I'd have to look at the sprinkler controls again. It often seemed to me that they didn't even make the things they didn't used to make the way they used to make them. (Sometimes it’s best not to look for logic in pithy sayings.)
Up the stairs and to the door, insert key, yep the same old routine. Flipping the light switch by the door brought my living room to illumination, and also served to remind me that it was time to vacume again, but I put it off, as the statuette was heavy under my arm. The mantle of my fireplace always had looked a little bare, so I removed the little mage from his wrapping and placed him there.
After dinner I sat down to read the paper. Death, violence and advertisements all leapt out at me. Sometimes it just seems better to avoid finding out what the rest of the world is doing. After flipping through the 600 or so channels I have the dubious honor of receiving I decided it was time to do some reading, something light and entertaining. I looked at my “to be read shelf” and spotted a book by Piers Anthony. It was another of his Xanth series; always good fodder for an evening's entertainment.
Two hours later I'd made my way through most of the book. It was a familiar story, but as usual the execution was superb. It was then that I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. I looked over at the fireplace, looked away and then back again. The clay mage was dancing, twirling about and tossing his crystal ball in the air. I'm not sure how long this went on while I sat there slack jawed. Then with a final flourish he turned to me, smiled and vanished.
The next day I went back to the little shop in the mall. And there in the window was the clay mage. I wasn't sure if it was the same one until he winked at me.
I was soon out another $75.
I came to think of him as the mini mage. Eight inches tall, and full of more life and mischief then any being that size had a right to be.
Looking back, I realize that my finding him was more than luck. Call it humorous pre-destination. An amusing little lark for an amusing little being. And I had the good fortune of being the straight man.
It wasn't a bad job really. He had his fun, and I got to run. And you know what they say about the benefits of exercise.
There were of course times of relative calm. On one occasion we were sitting watching TV. MM was big on TV, said it reminded him of home, a subject he was reticent to talk about in any greater detail. For whatever reason, the subject of cats came up, and that reminded me of a story.
"A couple of years ago a friend of mind decided to get a cat. He went down to the local humane society and picked out a kitten. He and the cat hit it off fairly well, and were soon the best of friends. But it seems this cat (Whose name was Boris) had at-least one rather annoying habit, not uncommon to the species. It liked to rip things up with its claws." At this point I paused to make sure MM was actually listening. I'd left my jacket on the floor when I'd come in, and he was lounging on it. He nodded his head.
"Well, one day my friend bought a brand new pair of speakers. They were expensive, and sounded very nice. He set them up in the morning, and when he got home that night they were ruined."
"Really?" commented MM, taking the role of straight-man for a change.
"It was really quite sad. He turned on his stereo, and the speakers sounded terrible. Upon closer examination he found that they had been catsrated."
The look on MM's face was priceless. But it wasn't often I got the best of him.
I remember vividly the day he opened the portal. I'd just spent the better part of an hour trying to catch my gerbils. The Mini mage had set them loose, and every time I came close to catching one or the other he'd point his staff, mutter, and the gerbil would vanish, only to reappear across the room and out of reach. Once he even had one of them appear in midair.
"Fly, be free." He yelled in jubilation. he'd definitely been watching too much syndicated TV recently.
Now, I'm a man with a long temper, but I have to say that I was about at the end of mine at that point; so I bowed to the Mini Mage, and proceeded to flop down on the couch. After a moment I picked up the paper.
Now, if there's one thing that makes MM mad, it’s tiring of his jokes before he does. I'd known him long enough to be capable of a fairly effective snub. This one had really hit the mark, as I could hear him mumbling under his breath as I read the paper. Finally he settled down. The calm before the storm I was soon to realize.
"Mark."
"Yes?" I said, not bothering to put down my paper.
"There's a hole in your floor."
"Don't be redic..." I'd put the paper down. There was a hole in my floor. It was about three feet wide and getting larger as I watched. In fact, it was in danger of swallowing my coffee table.
"I think its hungry..." MM said, smiling mischievously.
I looked him straight in the eyes. "And what does it want to eat?"
"What's tall, horizontal and slow on the uptake?" He asked. The hole looked like a very thick fog, and it was an inch away from eating my coffee table.
I grabbed onto the table just as it started to teeter, paper in one hand, coffee table in the other. The leg touched the hole, and there was a blinding flash of light and then everything went dark.
Now, at this point you might be thinking old MM was a bit of a pain. I won't say he didn't have a cruel streak in him. I'm a realist, and I'd been the butt end of enough of his pranks to know that he didn't mind putting other beings at the downside of his wit. But in his defense, I must say that he could take it as well as he could put it out.
It wasn't often that I had an opportunity to get the upper hand with him. He was after all not even a foot tall, and capable of all sorts of things that we normal humans go goggle eyed at, especially when they aren't happening on TV or at the movies. ILM could have saved millions if they'd been able to gain his services. But as I've noted, there were times when I got the best of him. One in particular comes to mind.
Early on, I'd realized that there were certain limitations to his powers. For instance, he refused to be seen moving by anybody but me. This led to all sorts of fascinating possibilities. On this particular occasion, I'd decided on an especially elaborate joke. It was my birthday. I won't mention which one, though I will note that I stopped paying close attention after I hit 25. The drop in my car insurance had been impressive, and all I'd had to do was live into my middle 20's. Of course, a lot of ground would have been lost if I'd had the audacity to actually make a claim, but I digress.
I'd long had an interest in tropical fish. Didn't know anything about them really, just liked to watch them swim around. Something about the semi-contained ecology of the fish bowl just fascinates the heck out of me. So, the day before my big day, I went down to the local pet shop and purchased a 75 gallon fish tank, and all the stuff that went with it, including something that looked a lot like a catfish. Heck, maybe it was. I'd paid the people at the pet store to bring it all out to my place, and set everything up.
I smiled to myself when I heard the knock on the door. MM had been flying around the living room batting at a fly. As I got up to answer, He flew back to the mantle and took up his usual stance and position.
I greeted the people from the pet store, and pointed them to the place I'd decided to have the tank placed. They handed me a 200 page book with a title along the lines of 'The 100 most important things to know about tropical fish.' I sat down and began to read. The pages blurred and my mind wandered. I contemplated inquiring as to how much it would cost to have somebody come in and take care of the fish for me.
It took quite a while to get everything set up, but when it was all done, it looked very impressive. "Looks great, but you know, there seems to be something missing..." I said staring at the tank. Slowly I turned about and looked at the mantle. I think I saw the MM twitch. The people from the pet store mumbled to each other as I wandered over and picked him up.
"You know, I think I'd get just the affect I'm looking for if we placed this statuette in the middle of the tank." The pet store people looked doubtful, but couldn't think of any serious objections. They did urge me to rinse the MM off before placing him in the bowl. I declined. I didn't want to give my little friend an opportunity to escape.
I took a length of yarn out of my pocket and tied it around the statuette's up-stretched arm. The pet store people mumbled some more. Gently I lowered him into the tank. He came to rest by a piece of artificial coral. Carefully I worked the yarn free and removed it from the water. I barely suppressed a chuckle at the sight of the MM at the bottom of the tank. I thanked the pet shop people and showed them out.
As the door closed, I heard a loud splash from the tank. A high pitched giggle greeted me when I turned around.
"You got me good there." He said.
I smiled. "I've been planning it for days."
"And a fine gag it was. But did it ever occur to you that I might need to breathe?"
"You breathe?" I asked incredulously.
"Now you ask me." He winked and disappeared.
copyright 2011 Michael J. Miller Jr.
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